April 13, 2021 | Composting

Color Me Fooled

Speaking about gullible, you can color me fully falling for an incredibly clever April Fools’ Day joke. Who wouldn’t be lured in by this text: “You love the look of rich brown Bloom greening up your grass and garden — now you can sport that look too, with Color Me Bloom, a Bloom infused eye shadow palette. The earthy types in your life will love Color Me Bloom, with its chemical free, carbon footprint-reducing ingredients: Biosolids fresh off the Blue Plains belts for a fresh face.”

Ok, that should have been a clue, but I jumped right away to a video, which describes the stunning palette of brown hues. Sales copy in the email read: “From 202’s [Washington, D.C. area code] #2 to Fudgcicle, we’ve got you covered with every shade of brown to enhance all skin tones. For a light shimmery day look, try our sandy blend (also available for $24 a cubic yard). If it’s that glam smoky eye you’re after, try the Brownie Points with a touch of Grass is Greener for some extra pop.”

I went to the website to order some eye shadow, desperately wanting to take advantage of Bloom’s slow-release nutrients that when left on overnight, will “soak up some extra organic matter and humic acid for the skin.” Best yet — Vegan friendly, tested on plants only! Imagine my disappointment when the website read, “Out of Stock.” And then my “oh, duh” moment at the bottom of the website, “Happy April Fools’ Day.” Congratulations Team Bloom at DC Water! Ingenious!
—Nora Goldstein


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